In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, I am reading Chapter 11 on Principle 6: Overcoming Gridlock. Interestingly, Gottman states, “To navigate your way out of gridlock, you have to first understand that no matter how seemingly insignificant the issue, gridlock is a sign that you each have dreams for your life that the other isn’t aware of, hasn’t acknowledged, or doesn’t respect. By dreams, I mean the hopes, aspirations, and wishes that are part of your identity and give purpose and meaning to your life.”
Further into the reading, he lists some common “deep” dreams expressed by couples he has worked with:
1.) A sense of freedom
2.) Feeling at peace
3.) Exploring who I am
4.) Adventure
5.) A spiritual journey
6.) Justice
7.) Honor
8.) Consistency with my past values
9.) Healing
10.) Having a sense of power
11.) Dealing with growing older
12.) Exploring a creative side of myself
13.) Getting over past hurts
14.) Asking God for forgiveness
15.) Exploring an ol part of myself I have lost
16.) Having a sense of order
17.) Being productive
18.) Getting my priorities in order
19.) Exploring the physical side of myself
20.) Being able to compete and win
21.) Traveling
22.) Atoning
23.) Ending a chapter of my life - saying good-bye to something
What are your deep dreams?
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York, NY: Harmony.
