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What Are Your Dreams?

Updated: Feb 6

In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, I am reading Chapter 11 on Principle 6: Overcoming Gridlock. Interestingly, Gottman states, “To navigate your way out of gridlock, you have to first understand that no matter how seemingly insignificant the issue, gridlock is a sign that you each have dreams for your life that the other isn’t aware of, hasn’t acknowledged, or doesn’t respect. By dreams, I mean the hopes, aspirations, and wishes that are part of your identity and give purpose and meaning to your life.”


Further into the reading, he lists some common “deep” dreams expressed by couples he has worked with:


1.) A sense of freedom

2.) Feeling at peace

3.) Exploring who I am

4.) Adventure

5.) A spiritual journey

6.) Justice

7.) Honor

8.) Consistency with my past values

9.) Healing

10.) Having a sense of power

11.) Dealing with growing older

12.) Exploring a creative side of myself

13.) Getting over past hurts

14.) Asking God for forgiveness

15.) Exploring an ol part of myself I have lost

16.) Having a sense of order

17.) Being productive

18.) Getting my priorities in order

19.) Exploring the physical side of myself

20.) Being able to compete and win

21.) Traveling

22.) Atoning

23.) Ending a chapter of my life - saying good-bye to something


What are your deep dreams?


Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York, NY: Harmony.


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